Dr. Butch Losey

Counseling for Communication and Conflict​

 

Communication problems are a symptom of a deeper problem, so it is not unusual that the vast majority of couples come to therapy saying that they have problems communicating. 

but

If you have communication problems, don't go to therapy to talk to the therapist!

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I have a nice process to help couples have more productive and intimate communication called Dialogical Process Couples Therapy. Couples learn and engage in transformative dialogue in session and at home that leads to meaningful change in the relationship.

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Here is my definition: Dialogical Process Couples Therapy involves interactive, conversational exchanges between couples coached by the clinician, focusing on increasing intimate understanding and improvement of primary concerns for the relationship. This is accomplished through structured dialogues selected by the couple and clinician.

 

Core Principles of Dialogical Process Couples Therapy

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1. Mutual Presence and Authenticity: The couple is encouraged to engage with each other in a way that promotes curiosity, openness, empathy, and authenticity, moving away from judgment or defensive communication.

2. Deep Listening: Both partners are guided to truly listen and understand each other's perspectives without trying to impose their own views or "fix" the other person. Both partners are also encouraged to listen purposefully to their internal dialogue and discern meaningful elements to share intimately with their partner.

3. Focusing on the Process, Not Solutions: The therapist helps the couple focus on the ongoing interaction or "dialogue" between them rather than aiming to solve specific problems right away.

4. Nonlinear Change: Change is seen as an organic process that unfolds naturally through improved dialogue and deeper mutual understanding, rather than being forced through structured exercises or tasks.

5. Therapist as Coach: The therapist does not take a neutral or distant role but becomes part of the dialogical process, guiding both partners to communicate more openly and authentically.

 

Key Differences Between Dialogical Process Couples Therapy and Traditional Approaches

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1. In dialogical process, the focus is on the dialogue itself and not solving problems.

2. Dialogical process encourages partners to co-explore how meaning is created between them and how their stories shape the relationship.

3. Dialogical therapists draw attention to the here-and-now interaction—tone, pacing, pauses, bodily reactions, and emotional resonance.

4. Dialogical therapists participate as a dialogical partner, modeling curiosity, presence, and non-defensiveness. They do less “teaching” and more facilitating a deeper encounter.

5. Dialogical therapy does not assume dysfunction but views difficulties as breakdowns in dialogue that can be restored.

6. In dialogical process, change is viewed as organic and evolving through the dialogue in sessions.

7. There is less emphasis on building and implementing goals in dialogical process couples therapy.

8. The couple has more engagement in planning the session in dialogical process couples therapy.

9. There is an expectation in dialogical process couples therapy that the couple will have structured reflection and discussion outside of session.

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