Dr. Butch Losey

Communication and Conflict Problems

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Communication problems are one of the most common reasons couples seek counseling. You may find yourselves having the same arguments repeatedly, becoming defensive, shutting down, escalating quickly, or avoiding important conversations altogether. Sometimes couples communicate well until they disagree—and then suddenly neither person feels heard or understood.

 

My approach goes beyond simply teaching couples better ways to talk. I help couples identify the important conversations they need to have and then have those conversations with one another during the counseling session. With the therapist actively coaching the conversation, partners learn to slow down, express what is difficult to say, listen differently, and explore the deeper meaning underneath what each person is communicating. 

 

I also pay close attention to the couple's conflict process. Most couples develop predictable patterns when conflict occurs. One partner may pursue while the other withdraws. Criticism may lead to defensiveness, which creates more criticism. A disagreement may quickly escalate, or both partners may avoid difficult subjects until resentment builds. Rather than deciding who is right or wrong, we help couples recognize the pattern they create together and understand what keeps it going.

 

The goal is not to eliminate disagreement. Healthy couples still have conflict. The goal is to help couples experience conflict differently—to recognize their patterns earlier, understand what is happening beneath their reactions, repair conversations when they go badly, and remain emotionally connected even when they see things differently.

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