Dr. Butch Losey

​A Different Approach to Couples Counseling

If communication is one of the primary concerns in your relationship, Dialogical Process Couples Therapy offers a different approach.

 

I developed this approach to help couples move beyond simply learning communication skills. Together, we identify the important conversations you need to have, and I coach you through those conversations as they happen—helping you understand not only how you talk to each other, but what the talk means.

 

If you want to strengthen communication, better understand one another, and change the patterns that keep your conversations stuck, you can register specifically for Dialogical Process Couples Therapy.

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Dialogical Process Couples Counseling

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When Talking More Isn't Solving the Problem

Many couples who come to therapy already know they have a communication problem. They may have tried listening exercises, communication techniques, or advice about how to argue more effectively. Yet when emotions rise, they often find themselves right back in the same pattern—arguing, becoming defensive, shutting down, or feeling unheard.

 

Dialogical Process Couples Therapy goes deeper than

simply teaching couples how to communicate.

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“Many therapists teach couples how to talk. My process also asks:

What does the talk mean?”

— Butch Losey

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What is underneath the words? Why does this particular conversation matter so much? Why does one partner become angry while the other withdraws? What does each person need the other to understand? What does the conversation reveal about trust, closeness, safety, acceptance, respect, or feeling valued in the relationship?

These are the questions that can transform communication from an exchange of words into a deeper understanding of one another.

 

How Does Dialogical Process Couples Therapy Work?

An important part of the process is identifying the conversations the couple needs to have.

These conversations may involve emotional disconnection, trust, intimacy, parenting, extended family, finances, past hurts, unmet needs, commitment, betrayal, or recurring conflicts that never seem to get resolved.

 

Rather than waiting for these conversations to turn into another argument at home, the couple identifies important conversations ahead of time and intentionally brings them into the therapy room.

Then they have the conversation with each other.

 

The therapist actively coaches the couple as the conversation unfolds—helping them slow down, recognize familiar patterns, understand what is happening emotionally, and communicate what may be difficult to put into words.

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The therapist isn't simply observing the couple communicate. The therapist is actively helping them understand what their communication means while developing a different way of talking, listening, and responding to one another.

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The Conversation Is About More Than the Topic

Couples often believe they are fighting about money, parenting, household responsibilities, sex, work, family, or how much time they spend together.

Sometimes they are.

But often there is another conversation underneath the conversation.

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• A disagreement about time together might also be about:

      “Do I matter to you?”

• An argument about a phone might really involve:

      “Can I trust you?”

• Conflict about extended family might include:

    “Will you choose our relationship when I need you?”

• A disagreement about sex might contain the question:

    “Do you still want me?”

• Withdrawal during an argument might communicate:

      “I don't know how to stay in this conversation without making things worse.”

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Dialogical Process Couples Therapy helps couples discover the conversation underneath the conversation. Understanding that deeper meaning can change how partners hear and respond to each other.

More Than Communication Skills

Communication skills can be helpful. But couples frequently discover that knowing what they are supposed to say does not necessarily change what happens when they feel hurt, frightened, angry, rejected, or disconnected.

 

Dialogical Process Couples Therapy focuses on the actual relational experience.

 

Rather than spending the entire session telling the therapist about an argument that happened during the week, couples are encouraged to turn toward one another and have the important conversation in the room.

 

The therapist can then help them work with the conversation as it is actually happening.

Instead of only learning what they should do differently, couples have an opportunity to experience themselves doing something different with one another.

 

Those experiences can become the foundation for new ways of relating outside of therapy.

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What Conversations Can We Have?

Every couple's conversations will be different. Therapy may focus on:

• Recurring arguments that never seem to get resolved

• Feeling unheard, misunderstood, or unimportant

• Emotional distance or loneliness

• Trust and betrayal

• Infidelity and rebuilding the relationship

• Sexual and emotional intimacy

• Parenting disagreements

• Extended family and boundaries

• Work, finances, and competing priorities

• Past hurts that continue to affect the relationship

• Commitment and uncertainty about the future

• Needs for closeness, independence, reassurance, or space

 

The topic matters. But equally important is what happens between the partners while they are talking about it.

That is where meaningful change can occur.

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You may need a different kind of conversation

Dialogical Process Couples Therapy creates a structured space for couples to identify the conversations that matter, have those conversations with one another, explore the meaning underneath them, and receive active coaching from a therapist as they develop a different way of understanding, responding, and connecting.

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