Dr. Butch Losey

After infidelity is discovered, it is common for the betraying partner to make promises: I will never do this again. I will be completely honest. I will put our relationship first. I will do whatever it takes to make this right. These promises may be completely sincere. But the betrayed partner often responds, “I need to see it to believe it.” One couple I worked with captured this distinction especially well: “Words say who you want to be; actions tell who you are.” After in

Few answers are more frustrating after discovering an affair than “I don’t know.” The betrayed partner may be asking, Why did you do it? What were you thinking? Why didn’t you stop? What did this person mean to you? When the response is “I don’t know,” it can sound like avoidance, dishonesty, or an unwillingness to take responsibility. Sometimes it is. But there are also times when the betraying partner genuinely does not yet understand their own behavior well enough to provi

Intrusive thoughts and rumination often occur together, but they are not the same thing. Understanding the difference can be an important part of learning how to respond to each. This is particularly true following a painful or traumatic relationship experience, such as infidelity, when the mind may repeatedly return to what happened. Intrusive thoughts are thoughts, memories, images, or questions that seem to enter the mind without invitation. A person may suddenly picture t

Dr. Butch Losey Watch Porn to Screw Up Your Brain The changes in the brain due to porn viewing are varied and complex. Changes in reward...

Sharing emotional intimacy with someone other than your partner can be considered a form of infidelity. This is because emotional...

Dr. Butch Losey Author of Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity As human beings, we all make mistakes. Sometimes, those mistakes hurt...

Dr. Butch Losey Author of Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity It is bad enough that the affair has rocked your relationship. Now you...

Dr. Butch Losey Author of Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity Therapists recognize that there is an accepted definition of infidelity....

Intimate relationships can be a healing place. Moments of tension, stress and conflict in your relationship can actually be times for healing. I met with a new couple this past week. They did not wait long in our first session before they allowed a disagreement to start. The husband became quite irritated with his wife's perspective of the relationship and began to discount her opinion and interrupted her repeatedly. I asked the husband if he would be willing to take a more p

Dr. Butch Losey Author of Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity As I write this article, I am aware that I will probably sound like an...

You have felt for a while now that your partner is less intimate with you, less engaged, maybe a bit more distracted and you wonder if he...

Dr. Butch Losey Author of Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity Here are some thoughts about managing intrusive thinking. It is one of the...

Dr. Butch Losey Author of Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity Trust is not an end point or a commodity in a relationship. It is a way of...

Dr. Butch Losey Author of Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity It is not uncommon for couples to come to therapy distinguishing between...

Dr. Butch Losey Author of Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity As a couple's therapist working with couples recovering from infidelity, I...

Dr. Butch Losey Author of Managing the Aftermath of Infidelity Many systemic therapist believe that there is circular reciprocity in...