As I write this article, I am aware that I will probably sound like an alarmist, but I write this as a cautionary prelude to you sharing your pain with someone. Talking with someone during the days after discovering your partner’s affair is important. I am sure that on many occasions in the past you have found it helpful to talk about other stressful events with a close friend, family member or someone close at work. Your partner’s infidelity can be a very different matter. I

It is not uncommon for couples to come to therapy distinguishing between sexual and emotional infidelity. Sometimes the distinction is made to highlight the pain associated with it. Frequently though, I hear heterosexual men explaining that they “did not have sex with her” and that it was just an emotional connection, even when it is clear later in therapy that the affair relationship was primarily sexual. So, what motivates men to lie about having sex with their affair partn

As a couple's therapist working with couples recovering from infidelity, I regularly encounter situations in which the hurt partner desperately needs compassion from the partner who had the affair. Couples at times though are unable or unwilling to offer a compassionate response when it seems so obvious that this is the one thing their partner most needs. In the context of infidelity treatment, compassionate response, even when the partners have limited interest or ability in

In desperate times, people do desperate things. Following the discovery of an affair, couples do things in an attempt to limit damage, make things better or to understand the events of the affair. The partner who had the affair may try to limit the ensuing damage that may occur by disclosing partial information about an affair. The hurt partner may seek support or understanding from friends in family. In doing so, the couple can inadvertently continue to damage the relations

Many systemic therapist believe that there is circular reciprocity in relationships. In other words, in the context of the relationship, each partner shares responsibility in how they create the dynamics of the relationship. I am certainly a therapist that believes in circular reciprocity and I will routinely help couples see the "patterns of their ways". Sometimes, that requires both partners to look at how they are contributing both to the problem and how they may contribut